|:: Vietnam ::|

i grew up in vietnam for 8 years before coming to the states. many say that this was the best thing that could happen to me because of the great opportunities that i was given to be here. and remembering where i came from, i don't disagree with that statement.

i've been back to vietnam more than 3 times now. and each time has been memorable, but each time, i feel less and less compelled to go back. i think as i grow older and see more of what vietnam is like, i grow to dislike it and what it stands for. but as i say that, my heart feels uneasy when i think about my family members who are still there, still stuck in that place where i don't want to be.

my parents when back to vietnam a few months ago to visit family and take care of family issues. apparently, it was some important issues that needed my mom's immediate presence, but of course with my mom, everything is an emergency when it comes it vietnam family. needless to say, it was amazing when they were gone for the month. they came back safely this week and brought back some pictures that they had taken.

my parents where really the same after they came back from the trip. my dad seemed more unhappy and grumpy everyday, and my mom seemed to not care about things particularly. nothing seemed to have changed from before they left to when they got back. and the stuff that they brought back is shit! but it is the thought that counts i guess.

plus they had a lot of trouble when they were there because one passenger on their flight had the swine flu, and the vietnamese government wanted to quarantine my parents. they ended up having to stay at my grandmothers house for 2 weeks without being able to go anywhere. i think this is one of the main reasons that pissed my dad off so much, he felt so cheated and that he wasted his money on the damn trip. and he felt that my mom made him go on the trip, but he could have told her no, if he was more man about it.

so they came back safe and sound, bring along with them some pictures of the family back in vietnam. i honestly can't say that i miss vietnam because, well... there are quite a few reasons why i wouldn't want to go back. one is that it is way to damn crowded, with so many people everywhere! two being the pollution is off the records, it's hard to even get a fresh breath of air there. and third is that there is no hope for opportunity there if you are poor or middle class. the rich own so much and have so much power, it's insane to think about what they can do.

i looked at the pictures today, because i was asked to make a movie cd, so that everyone could see the pictures too. and when i looked at the pictures i saw that everyone was smiling but no one was happy. it was not surprising to see that since it was a crutial time for my family with grandmother and grandfather's health conditions not doing so well. as i looked at each picture, i asked myself deep down if i miss it there, and with a loud scream i could hear myself saying "hell no!" yet i saw the faces of my little cousins who lived there and had to survive there. and i felt sorry for them, to not be able to see the world the way that i had the opportunity to. to be able to choose my future and do as i please, they will have a hard time when they grow up.

though i would have liked to help them out, i know that i can't and i shouldn't because i have my own life to live and issues to solve. all i can do is wish them the best of luck and think of them with a happy smile.