Friday, October 30, 2009

The Wake Up

Waking up, a man finds himself standing waist deep in a pit of tar.

The dark, heavy tar yearned for the man to struggle, as it would pull and consume him beneath its' underbelly.

And instead of struggling and pleading with the tar, as he often did, he looked up and saw the trees humming and dancing with the wind above him.

He looked beyond the trees and saw the majestic, fluffy clouds gently passing by, almost to whisper: "Hi there, how are you?"

Beyond that, he saw the clear blue sky that nurtured the fluffy, white clouds, and danced with the trees.

As he looked up further, he saw the sun. And at that very moment, he embraced its vibrant colors and felt its warmth on his skin and in his heart.

Perhaps... just perhaps today will be different.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

|:: Morning Showers ::|

even though i don't have a job anymore, i still usually wake up at 8am. i think it's good that i maintain the consistency of waking up early in the mornings, because i don't want life to pass by me. day time is always the best time for me to get work done. in the mornings, i am free of distractions, free of yesterday's emotions, free from the responsibilities of the coming day, free from everyone.

but the best part of waking up early is the morning shower. i tend to do a lot of thinking in the shower; it makes me feel really refreshed and helps me clear my mind. the feeling of the warm water as it trickles down my back and around my body feels emotionally healing. the water hugs me in a way that is so amazing, i'm not sure if anyone else knows the feeling... like a warm hug that old ends when i turn off.

the warm steam, the droplets of waters as it hits the tub just feels so peaceful. the water is always a friend, always happy to wrap around you and keep you close and refresh. the water is never judgemential, never angry, never bitching, never stressful, never loud, never rushing, never calculative, just warm and embracing.

outside of the water is the cold, harsh world. and i know that i must step out of the water, but for the moments that i am loved by it, it is heaven. so until tomorrow, i wait for my next warm shower.

Monday, June 29, 2009

|:: Tribute to Micheal Jackson ::|

june 25th, 2009, micheal jackson dies of a cardio arrest. one day later, the whole world morns over his passing. at first i didn't really care much about it because, to be honest, it really doesn't affect me in any way. i mean in terms of what life is like for me right now, there is little affect that it makes on me. but as i sit here at the laundromat waiting for my laundries to wash, i open up my newly downloaded best hits collection of micheal jackson from a few days ago, and started listening.

it wasn't till the second or third song or so, when i finally realized that the world had lost such an amazing person. it is easy when i sit here and retrospect back at all of michael's accomplishments, and with a bit of a cocky attitude i think to myself that "anyone could have done this" but that's totally not true! michael jackson was a legend because he invited this style of music! he was the first of his kind! and when i think about me trying to invite something so influential and so powerful, the thought scares me; and then, i realize how important of a figure michael really was.

i think back at all the times when i criticized him when the media makes such ridiculous accusations about michael's child obsession, and how he harasses the children. and back then it was just another way to make fun of him, and i followed it without any thought. now that i am older and more sensitive to these issues, i sit back and wonder, what if he just really loves to be around children. like a passion, what if that was what inspired michael and made him whole, more than anything. how could that be wrong? and yet as a society, we tore apart his dream, his passion; maybe that's why he lost the motivation and had no choice but to turn his back against a cold scornful world.

my tribute to one of our most amazing musical legend the world has ever know, michael jackson, rest in peace. may your dreams come true in the next life, and may your spirit be heard for all eternity. for you have made a difference in my life, and i will keep you in my memories and heart.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

|:: Vietnam ::|

i grew up in vietnam for 8 years before coming to the states. many say that this was the best thing that could happen to me because of the great opportunities that i was given to be here. and remembering where i came from, i don't disagree with that statement.

i've been back to vietnam more than 3 times now. and each time has been memorable, but each time, i feel less and less compelled to go back. i think as i grow older and see more of what vietnam is like, i grow to dislike it and what it stands for. but as i say that, my heart feels uneasy when i think about my family members who are still there, still stuck in that place where i don't want to be.

my parents when back to vietnam a few months ago to visit family and take care of family issues. apparently, it was some important issues that needed my mom's immediate presence, but of course with my mom, everything is an emergency when it comes it vietnam family. needless to say, it was amazing when they were gone for the month. they came back safely this week and brought back some pictures that they had taken.

my parents where really the same after they came back from the trip. my dad seemed more unhappy and grumpy everyday, and my mom seemed to not care about things particularly. nothing seemed to have changed from before they left to when they got back. and the stuff that they brought back is shit! but it is the thought that counts i guess.

plus they had a lot of trouble when they were there because one passenger on their flight had the swine flu, and the vietnamese government wanted to quarantine my parents. they ended up having to stay at my grandmothers house for 2 weeks without being able to go anywhere. i think this is one of the main reasons that pissed my dad off so much, he felt so cheated and that he wasted his money on the damn trip. and he felt that my mom made him go on the trip, but he could have told her no, if he was more man about it.

so they came back safe and sound, bring along with them some pictures of the family back in vietnam. i honestly can't say that i miss vietnam because, well... there are quite a few reasons why i wouldn't want to go back. one is that it is way to damn crowded, with so many people everywhere! two being the pollution is off the records, it's hard to even get a fresh breath of air there. and third is that there is no hope for opportunity there if you are poor or middle class. the rich own so much and have so much power, it's insane to think about what they can do.

i looked at the pictures today, because i was asked to make a movie cd, so that everyone could see the pictures too. and when i looked at the pictures i saw that everyone was smiling but no one was happy. it was not surprising to see that since it was a crutial time for my family with grandmother and grandfather's health conditions not doing so well. as i looked at each picture, i asked myself deep down if i miss it there, and with a loud scream i could hear myself saying "hell no!" yet i saw the faces of my little cousins who lived there and had to survive there. and i felt sorry for them, to not be able to see the world the way that i had the opportunity to. to be able to choose my future and do as i please, they will have a hard time when they grow up.

though i would have liked to help them out, i know that i can't and i shouldn't because i have my own life to live and issues to solve. all i can do is wish them the best of luck and think of them with a happy smile.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

|:: Mirror of One-self ::|

i just finished playing this game by rich dad poor dad on financial freedom from the "rat race". at first i was winning and i seemed to have the right formula for winning the game. and as the creator of the game stated in his book about this game is that it is suppose to be a mirror reflection of one-self, in the sense that you are playing the game and making decisions as if you were in real life.

the first two times i played the game, i was able to make it out of the rat race and won the game; things seemed easy. but then all my luck changed and i was beginning to roll out a series of losing streaks. i was both trying to maintain my strategy for winning as well as trying new tactics of investing, but with no luck what-so-ever! the computer on the other hand was getting all the sweet ass deals and was killing me... so if the game was meant as a mirror of who i am, then does that mean that i am destined to lose in real life as well???

good god! i hope that that's not true because i'm pretty sure i have good luck in life. i mean, i am where i am now financially and with pretty good health, so i must have been lucky. maybe i'm missing the whole point of the game, but it's a bit different every time, but i'm sure i will get it down once i play it more and more. but what bothers me the most is that the game is highly dependent on luck. i'm sure the creator will tell me that i can hedge the investments to lower the dependency on luck in the game, but how do you combat bad luck? interesting...

|:: 3 Weeks Later ::|

here we are 3 weeks later after being unemployed and what do i have to show for it? besides the happiest feeling of being free from working for someone, and the ability to do whatever i want whenever i want, things are going well. why not great and only well? because i need progression.

progression in terms of achieving my goals and dreams. my goal is to not have to work for someone in the next 2 years. it is also to be financially independent before i am 35 years old. so progression is the movement from where i am now to where my goals lay... and right now, i feel as though i am making progression but not at the rate of which i want to be moving.

waiting was never my strong point, but i understand the importance of being patience. i need to keep pushing myself to make progress now because all that is driving me is my motivation. this is quite different from having a day job where you don't have to think about doing something, because it's expected of you to go to work. but when you work for yourself, you are everything. knowing myself, i hope i don't work myself down too hard.

Monday, June 15, 2009

|:: Race to Financial Independence ::|

today i finished a very important book on how to think like the rich. the book is a story with lessons of how to manage money and how to be financially intelligent. i've really been looking for a book like this which really explains the meaning of money, and how to create and maintain money.

ever since i was 12 years old, i've been working. whether it be working at the mall as a sales clerk, a janitor, a ball boy, knives salesmen, grocery dairy clerk, cake maker, cashier, help desk clerk, paperboy, database admin, you name it and i've probably done it in some sort of manner. and all the while i've always wondered what the whole meaning of it all was. no matter where i worked or what i did, it was never fulfilling, the feeling of getting that paper paycheck or seeing my bank numbers increase at the end of each month was just not cutting it; it never was.

at the start of each job, i would be happy that i got a new job, because there would be something new that i could learn from the job. but after a few months of doing the same repetitive things, without any new things to learn, i get really bored and then lose all motivation to work. i would spend most of my time finding reasons or ways to not have to go to work the next day. laziness starts to sink in and before long, i would hate the job. i would then get so uneasy about it that i would quit and find a new job, and at the new job, the same thing would happen again; the process never ends.

all my life, this is what i have know any done. and never was i happy about having to follow this endless track of working with no passion. i never found happiness or satisfaction with my money, no matter how much i had, it always felt like it was nothing or meant nothing. and the reason was because, like so many millions of people out there, i was forced to work hard and waiting patiently for a paycheck to come at the end of each month. and when it came, i would worry about the next month, whether i would get another paycheck. not that i didn't have job security, but it was more like i felt tired of running in circles aimlessly for monthly paychecks.

it was so unsatisfying! how was it all worth my time and effort? was this how my life was going to be for the next 20 to 30 years? the thought of it terrified me to death. but now, there is a way out of this vicious cycle, and i have finally discovered it. finally, the empty feeling in my heart about the whole purpose of money and the value of my time has a meaning.

for a long time, i had thought that the real issue was either the job, the type of work, the managers, the company's policies, the co-workers, etc etc. and i would blame all my woes on these factors for my unhappiness; yet job after job, i found myself repeating this blaming game over and over again. but i now realize that it wasn't the case at all, because my dissatisfaction lies on a much deeper level than simply pointing the finger at others or factors that i could not control. it was me! it was my laziness that led me to be stuck in the situation that i was in, working for someone, and it was my laziness that blinded me from all the other possibilities out there other than slaving away for a company.

first, understanding that my mind set and attitude has to change, i am able to fully embrace new ideas and teachings. i can now grasp the lessons of this new book that i finished and start applying it to my life to move me away from the anger of chasing for paychecks to ultimately controlling my money, and having money generate more money for me. now instead of chasing and slaving away for someone for money, i'm going to create money, and have a stream of money coming to me without me having to slave away ever again! i'm going to reach for my financial independence.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

|:: The Old Farts Are Back! ::|

my parents left for a vacation to vietnam to visit family last month. the whole trip was last minute and i'm sure my dad wasn't too pleased about the whole thing. he was against it since there was so much chaos from the swine flu thing in asia, he wanted to push the travel day to a much later date, but my mom forced him to go.

seriously though, after they left, my happiness increased by at least 200%. and not just me either, my brother's happiness, my wife's, my other monkey brother's, even my dog roccio's happiness increased because of it. shoot, i think the who world became 2% more happy and well balanced because of it! my world at least.

the house was so nice and loud when they were gone. we could actually blast the music up during the day or night time whenever we wanted, we could eat and wash (or not wash) dishes whenever we felt like it, we didn't have to clean up anything in the house that we didn't want to, it was absolute freedom! the best part was not having my mom asking so many stupid questions about so many things that she didn't understand. and believe me, there are A LOT of things that my mom doesn't understand! also, there wasn't my dad who keeps on nagging and nagging about how we all do things that he doesn't like. and believe me, there are A LOT of things that my dad doesn't like! hmmm, now i see why they are perfect for each other!

well... the month is over now officially today, at exactly 2:24 pm, when the two old farts came home from their trip. the day that everyone in the house dreads over, d-day to say the least. now the house is so quiet, too quiet, i can hear myself think too clearly, so now i'm back to my crazy think2much self... which explains why i'm still up at 12:56 am writing this blog post lol.

can't wait until they go off to another trip again, but i'm sure that that won't happen for another 2 years or so... how depressing. i'll start counting the days right.... now, and hopefully, i won't even be here in this damn allergy infested house when they do leave again. urrgggg, my body cringes when i think of them being home now.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

|:: iPod for $30 ::|

i got bored a few days ago in the morning when everyone was still sleeping, so i decided to go on craigslist to find things that i can buy. i was surfing for things like memory cards for my psp because i wanted to get a bigger card so that i can put music and videos onto.

earlier i had decided not go get anything related to apple because of the bad experience that i had with their ipods. been having problems with the battery of the thing going bad on me all the time. there had been issues with their battery not being able to maintain a charge after some time.

anyhow, i was surfing around only to find that no one was selling cheap memory stick pro duos. i hate that part about sony, all their stuff is proprietary and no one else but them do that. and when new stuff comes out they usually cost an arm and a leg to get. but craigslist had no one selling memory sticks for cheap, so i went to ebay to see if i can get some cheap counterfeit parts from china, only to get turn off by the not so cheap prices there as well.

so with too much time and no other ideas, i decided to look for ipods on sale. surprisingly there were a number of people who were selling ipods for relative to cheap price. particularly i wanted to get the ipod nano that was either 4gb or 8gb video version. and there were a few people selling them for $50 or less; not bad. i emailed 3 seller asking them for pictures and got 2 replies. both sellers had ipods in good conditions, one was baby blue and the other was pink.

there was a string of email tag but finally i offered my price of $30 to both sellers. one person was totally against it and wanted $45, but the other person was willing to sell for $30; she claims that she had bills to pay so she was okay with the deal. sweet! unfortunately, she lived an hour away from my house, and we would have to go to her residence to pick up the ipod.

the drive was long, but it was alright because it was worth it. we bought the ipod because it was actually in really good condition with almost no major scratches. i paid $30 and got an almost brand new 8gb ipod nano with video capability. i love craigslist lol!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

|:: Wednesday Beach Time ::|

this is a continuation of the previous post to highly last week in retrospect. =)

wednesday was a great day. woke up later than usual because i wanted to, i actually woke up around 7 again but instead of dragging myself out of bed, i choose to stay in bed and sleep some more. it felt wonderful to be able to freely do so without having the guilty feeling of "crap i have to get to work". i looked over to wifey as she was sleeping soundly, the room was quite and peaceful, without knowing it i made a little smirk and laughed silently before closing my eyes to go back to dreamland.

woke up again around 11 feeling truly refreshed and relaxed. went outside to check if anyone was up and no one was in sight. the room was too cold for some odd reason, so i decided to hang out in the living room playing psp. about an hour later, my monkey brothers and wifey wake up. we ate lunch together and some more monkey brothers came over to hang out. one of the monkeys had a great idea of going to the beach and sun tanning. the beach was really nice and lots of people usually go there, so it was a sweet idea.

but before we went to the beach 2 of the other monkey brothers wanted to go play some basketball, so i was totally up for that. we jumped into the car and headed to the basketball courts. it was sad to see how we all were so out of practice. we started with a game of 21 between the three monkeys and myself; let's just say we never finished the game because we were either too horrible or tired to put extra effort into the game. now, that's not to say that we didn't try, but let's be honest, we're all getting old whom had not been exercising. later 4 more people came and we played a quick game, which we got owned on.

after basketball we all went back home to get things ready for the beach. it didn't take us much time at all to get all the things together, it was going to be a relaxing time at the beach so we didn't really need much. when we got to the beach, there was already so many people there, hot people and lots more not so hot looking people, nonetheless it was great to see everyone there. we found a nice spot near the water and chilled out there under the nice sun. although it was windy there, the heat was still pretty intense.

i wanted to try to go into the water to cool off, but i notice that there was no one in the water... odd, oh well let's try it out anyways. when i put my feet into the water, i immediately knew why there was no one in the water, it was so freaking cold! almost immediately my feet went numb from the coldness, it was too crazy, so no more water for me. there was this one woman who was brave enough to not only walk into the water, but she even went out and dipped all the way into the water, freaking insane, she's obvious not from here...

some hours later, we packed up and went home. one of the monkey said that he would cook hamburgers and hotdogs for all of us, so we went to the store to get some goods. he made a mess while cooking... but the food was otherwise quite good. after we all ate, we sat around and played mario kart together.

all and all it was a great day. =)